The dim and distant past
by Eaglenoimoto
Summary: Haruka stumbles across an old letter from Elza to Michiru by chance- have the two girls been lovers before Elza introduced Michiru to her? Why did Michiru never tell her?
1. DDP Prologue

The dim and distant past  
  
Hi minna-san! Finally, I've decided to write a fic in English to show my boundless talent for writing to the whole world...er, 'lil trace of arrogance ^_-... However, the point is that definitely more people read English fan fiction than it's the case with the German ones I've written for over a year now.  
  
Though I grew up almost bilingual, I don't guarantee that this is free of mistakes... So please leave your comments whether this thing sucks or not ^_^  
  
Yukio skygoddess@gmx.net  
  
I don't own Sailor Moon or Haruka and Michiru, but I'd like to *evilgrin*  
  
Prologue  
  
Am I still the same?  
  
Are you?  
  
Years have passed since I've seen you last. All I know is that I'd never have come this far without you. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, there'll always be the memories of this summer we shared...  
  
"Shimatta!" -"Haruka-papa, didn't you teach me not to curse?"  
  
Her fostered daughter was grinning at the blonde who was desperately looking for the cookbook she had assumed to be somewhere in the small library Setsuna and Michiru had put up to teach Hotaru reading. Actually, they had just put their books all together on some tall shelves in the living room.  
  
"Why are you looking for this cookbook, papa?" "It's none of your business, c'mon, get yourself dressed, Setsuna-san will be here soon. Don't you remember what date it is today?" "It's Valentine's Day today" ;The small one yelled out and put her arms around Haruka's neck; "So I'm gonna show you how much I love all of you."  
  
"You rather seem trying to kill me"; gasped the racer when the girl hugged her even harder.  
  
When Hotaru heard the jingle of keys on the door, she ran towards the corridor an left the blonde on the floor of the room, still almost suffocating.  
  
"Did I interrupt you playing a new game?" Haruka rose herself from the ground when she saw Setsuna standing in front of her.  
  
"Yeah, it was 'Kill Haruka'!" "You didn't confess your love to me yet, papa."  
  
Hotaru was standing beside her, still in her casual clothes. The addressed one replied: " I love you and I'll even love you more if you'd show me your love a bit more tenderly next time."  
  
"And I do so, too. But now go upstairs, it's already half past six..." added the green-haired woman. "But you told me the movie started at eight..."  
  
"We're going to eat a little before we go to the cinema."  
  
"But Haruka-papa wanted to cook today... she was looking for Michiru-mama's cookbook."  
  
"Well, you really want to taste her cooking? Wouldn't you fancy something better?" "At McDonald's? Onegaaaaaai!" "If that's what you'd like today..." Setsuna nodded her head, secretly worrying about her figure.  
  
Hotaru ran upstairs to get dressed for the feast that was expecting her.  
  
"So you don't wanna taste my cooking?" Haruka grumbled. "Gomen, but you know even Usagi would be able to do something better than you..." " And that's my problem, Setsuna-san."  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
Setsuna asked though she could easily read Haruka's mind from the expression on her face.  
  
"I could do it much better than Usagi if I'd only find this bloody cookbook." "Why don't you take this 'til you've found the one you was searching for ?"  
  
Setsuna took a book from the highest shelf an handed it to Haruka who blushed, realizing that she had stood right in front of the book all the time.  
  
"Arigato..."  
  
When Setsuna went upstairs to dress herself up as well, Haruka sat down on the couch and looked at the book. "Japanese Basics" was written on its cover in dark red kanji. After leafing trough it a little, she decided to make an ordinary sushi. That wouldn't be so complicated, besides she had often done it with Michiru.  
  
She nodded as if to encourage herself when she closed the book. Sushi would be best- not to hard to do, but always as good as Michiru had deserved.  
  
Soon after Setsuna and Hotaru had left, she walked into the kitchen an looked for the stuff she needed.  
  
Contrary to her worries, she had finished cooking after half an hour. Haruka cleaned up the kitchen and set the table in the dining room in a romantic mood with some candelabras. Today it was the fifth Valentine's Day she was going to spend with Michiru- not that she had ever celebrated it before she got to know her aquamarine- haired lover.  
  
Half an hour later she stood in the dining-room perfectly dressed with some tight black pants emphasizing her slender, athlethic legs and a wide white shirt that made her torso loom softly under the material.  
  
Waiting for her girlfriend who told her she'd return about half past eight, Haruka walked into the kitchen to pour herself some drink. When she had put the glass down again, she found Michiru's cookbook still laying on the kitchen table. She picked it up and as she wanted to put on the shelf again, a light blue envelope fell out of it.  
  
It was addressed to Kaio Michiru- no address, no stamp, no sender, only the name of the woman who had changed her life so much to the positive in the last few years. The blonde looked at it curious. Was she allowed to read it?  
  
'Stop this, it's Michiru's privacy after all' she told herself, already pulling out some white sheets out of the envelope.  
  
She stared at the date surprised and started to get suspicious when she recognized the handwriting. 'How dare you read this, Tenou Haruka' said the little angel to her left and 'Read it, it could give you some important information' the devil on the right.  
  
Should she really exploit Michiru's trust on Valentine's day? Haruka sighed when she sat down and started to read.  
  
*  
  
Tokyo, 29th March XX Dear Michi-chan!  
  
Though you suddenly seem not to trust or want to talk to me anymore, there are still some thing I need to tell you. I just don't know what has happened to you since I introduced you to this Tenou Haruka-san girl, but if you say you're happy with her, I've got no other chance as accepting it.  
  
For you still don't talk frankly, I need to express my true feelings in this letter. Wasn't it you who wanted to stay friends after we parted?  
  
Wasn't it me who introduced you to Haruka-san you are so deeply in love with now?  
  
When you told me you'd put an end to our relationship, I thought it was because you knew I was going back to America soon. After thinking about it for quite a while, I came to the conclusion that you had decided you weren't attracted to girls anymore. I even tried to find out if you secretly dated some boys- of course, there were none. Please excuse me for being so rude and spy on you!  
  
When you told me you had fallen in love with Haruka-san, you was turning my world upside-down. Why Haruka-san which I had wanted to help me to get over you? Why Haruka-san who was my only true opponent in my time as racer in Japan?  
  
Perhaps this it is. Haruka-san was meant to be my opponent forever. My Michiru, I still love you more than I have ever loved anyone.  
  
You don't trust me anymore, and I don't know why you do so. After all, I could never give you as much as Tenou-kun can. I'm going back to America tomorrow.  
  
Just don't worry about me. I'm going to leave your lives forever. Haruka-san has finally beaten me.  
  
But perhaps, one day, you'll remember the girl who initially showed you what love means and smile about it, asking yourself 'What's she doing right now?'  
  
I don't know what I'll be doing without you yet. I wish you only the best- it's the least you deserve.  
  
In endless love,  
  
Elza Gray  
  
*  
  
Haruka shivered as she put the pages on the table. This letter had been written about five years ago and Michiru had never told her she had been in love with Elza before they got to know each other. Was there a bigger secret between those two than the letter revealed?  
  
Suddenly she felt some warm breath on her neck.  
  
"What are you doing here, Ruka?"  
  
The blonde suddenly jumped from the chair she was sitting on. Michiru had come and she hadn't noticed.  
  
"Did you get a love letter from a secret admirer, darling?" The smaller woman was holding the surprised Haruka tightly. "No, it's just... uhm... happy Valentine's Day, Michi..." ; she evaded, kissing Michiru fleetingly.  
  
But the senshi of the sea sensed there was something wrong with her partner. "Haruka, what is it?"  
  
She turned the blue envelope around and suddenly felt transferred back into a time she thought she had already forgotten.  
  
Haruka wanted to explain, but all that came was some embarrassed stuttering. Her partner put one of her slender fingers to her partner's mouth to keep her quiet.  
  
"You're not crossed with me 'cause I read it?" Michiru smiled calmingly.  
  
"Maybe a little. But it's Valentine's Day today, isn't it?"  
  
"Yeah... I've already made some di- "- Haruka couldn't withhold the question any longer- "Tell me Michi, what kind of relationship was that between you and Elza? Why did you never tell me?"  
  
"Don't you want to tell me you love me first?" Michiru led the blonde to the couch in the living room. Haruka knelt before her aquamarine-haired lover.  
  
"I love you and I'll never stop as long as I live but pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaase tell me what this letter was about!"  
  
The violinist pulled her up to the couch, kissing her passionately. "I love you, too, and if you stop worrying about me having any concerns because of you read this letter at once, I'm going to tell you everything right from the beginning."  
  
"But it found it in the cook- well, I promise I'll stop..."  
  
Michiru made herself comfortable in her lover's arms. This night was going to be longer as she had planned it to be...  
  
---------------------------------------------- To be continued...  
  
That's all for today, but I'm working on the next part... Ja ne,  
  
Yuki ^___^ 


	2. DDP II

The dim and distant past  
  
Hi folks! I decided to upload this fic in smaller chapters to shorten your waiting period till the next upload and to make it not seeming so much work to me ^___^  
  
There's not much to say about this chapter... I keep asking myself for how long Haruka's gonna listen to Michiru... well, I planned this to be only Michiru's memory at first, but every story is better with Haruka, isn't it? So don't get worked up because it's not realistic telling such a long story at one evening, especially on Valentine's evening... maybe Michi's able to tell in time-lapse or something like that... hey, those two understand each other without words so it could be a case of Haruka reading Michiru's thoughts from her mind... hm, this is getting eerie...  
  
...so Tara, I'm rackin' my brains over how to put Setsuna in this story...but maybe there is a way (thanks to Misa-chan)!  
  
BTW, I'd never thought my English writing would go down so well with you *feeling honored a lot*! Haruka out of character? I dunno... she's cool in front of others, but I think she's allowed to beg upon Michiru ^.^ When a strong woman behaves obsequiously in front of someone, you should interpret it as a kind of present and proof for her love, huh? However, who knows what Haruka would've said!  
  
This is written with regards to Lantys : "Once in America,..." *minnabangtheirheadsagainsthehotplate* o_O Must be kinda auld lang syne over there, huh? Julie: "It is!" -IF SO, WHY DONTCHA JUST GO BACK GIRL??????? Ouch,, I start sounding Anti-American... that wasn't what I meant to say with that, you must be careful what you say about America today, musn't you?  
  
I'm starting to gabble too much again making a discussion on politics with myself... so Mata Ne!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon and its containing characters, but maybe there's a chance for me to buy Toei Animation once ^_-  
  
Part I./I.  
  
"Everything started when I was in 9th grade. It was going to be my last year at Junior High and I still hadn't made any real friendships neither at school nor in private. Not that I wasn't popular with the others, there had always been some girls that tried to make friendship with me. There had even been some guys who tried to date me.  
  
But no matter how often I met them and tried to become part of their gang, I just could not force myself to join their thoughtless world.  
  
They thought about stars to worship, about how they could spent their next weekend, about when the next edition of their favourite magazine was published. The girls talked about boyfriends and all the stuff they wanted to do if they had found their prince and all this superficial stuff. The boys kept telling me what cute girl I was, barely knowing anything about the real me.  
  
Of course their were some folks I was working with because of my concerts and art exhibitions. They were way to arrogant, always congratulating themselves what great genies they were at their metiers. Those, some even not older than me, thought that they were something special.  
  
I was walking on a narrow line between the 'usual' teenagers and those who thought themselves as some kind of gods and couldn't really understand anyone.  
  
I wasn't sure about myself at all- was there something wrong with me or was it just a part of adolescence?  
  
However, I just smiled and pretended to get along with those I had to deal with in my life. None of them ever asked about what I really felt; they thought I was perfect and never had to worry about anything.  
  
It was Michiru who was one of the best students at school. It was Michiru who was recording some CDs and became well-known by every authority of classical music in Japan. It was Michiru who sold lots of her pictures for good money. It was Michiru who had always a smile and and some kind word for everybody.  
  
And it was Michiru who never felt really understood. Inside, I built up a world of my own I used to flee to whenever I could.  
  
I just couldn't appreciate the way the people around me accepted all the evil and underhanded things around them, how they didn't see anything but her own business.  
  
This was how I was living until the first day of my last year before I entered high school- before I got to know her.  
  
So it was about nine in the morning and I was staring out of the window disinterested. The teacher was talking about our new schedule and who had to do which task within the classroom when someone knocked on the door.  
  
Before the teacher was able to call her in, the door swung widely open and a tall girl entered the room. She had shining red hair that immediately drawed everybody's attention to itself, bright ice-blue eyes and an unusual dark skin. She was roughly as tall as the most boys in class. Everybody was staring at the girl that did look so very different from the Asian look everybody was used to.  
  
The strange girl introduced herself in some insecure Japanese as Elza Gray, the new exchange student from America. America! That sounded to me as such a different world and this girl was coming from this realm. I decided that I wanted to become her friend at once.  
  
The teacher referred to the Japanese manners she had to get along with for the next year after she had tried to shake his hand.  
  
"And now we're going to continue our discussion on what this year is going to be like. Gray-san, please take a seat next to Kaio-san. I'm sure she will be so kind and guide you through our building today, won't you, Kaio- san?"  
  
My heart was pounding all of a sudden when I nodded and smiled conspicuously. Elza also grinned when she sat down on the chair next to me. We understood each other before we had done any chatting.  
  
When the gong rang in the next lesson I looked at my timetable- we should have a double maths lesson every Monday morning from now on! Elza was quite silent all the lesson from what I supposed she wasn't good at maths. Nor was I, but I always tried to work hard because I knew I had to be good in every subject to be admitted to the special musical high school I had selected for me.  
  
So the lessons went by and I didn't talk a lot with Elza. In the Japanese lesson, the last lesson before our lunch break, I noticed she barely couldn't keep up with the teacher's writing.  
  
Finally, the lesson ended and we walked towards the cafeteria. I worried about sounding rude, but I had to ask her.  
  
"Elza, for how long have you been learning Japanese by now?" She looked at me puzzled. "Um... well, I learned it for one year, but I hardly know any kanji." "Ara... but you can keep up with speaking?" "It's going to work someway."  
  
"So why are you in Japan now?"  
  
"I got a scholarship for this year because I was the best in my grade. I'd have liked better to go to Europe, but I got the one for Japan and I felt far to flattered to decline it." "So it is a big adjustment for you to live here?"  
  
I thought of America as some sort of Wonderland. How naive I was- but from my point of view, everything was better than conservative Japan.  
  
"All of you are that small here..." Elza giggled, patting on my head. No Japanese would ever have dared something like that, but I started to love her just because she was that open-hearted and so I joined her giggling.  
  
"But what about learning kanji?" I interrupted her after a while. "Could you teach me-I mean, if you aren't too busy?" "No, I'm not."  
  
There were 'only' some concerts and shows almost every weekend, school, homework swimming class and looking after my apartment, but all those things didn't really matter anymore when I saw her smile and the trust in her eyes. I thought I had found a true friend for the first time of my life, not knowing about Elza's idea how our relationship was going to be.  
  
Elza rubbed all those around her up the wrong way- she was the strange American girl that was taller than any girl at school, who never really cared when a sensei was shouting at her, the one who was always shaking hands instead of bowing, the one who held her chopsticks clumsily. Elza was a loud girl that always said what was on her mind without ever obeying anyone. She was open-hearted for what I had loved her from the very moment she had entered my life- I had had enough of that lousy plotting and scheming around me.  
  
Soon we became known to everybody at school because we never appeared separated anywhere. We were the strange ones at our school class and so they everyone thought it was the best to leave us alone.  
  
Elza was learning the kanji fast while she had lots of training in athletics, for she was very talented in running. None of the Japanese pupils could keep up with her in this- not even the boys. I always loved to watch her at training because she seemed to be herself more than at any other point in time when she was sprinting.  
  
With regard to Elza, she never seemed to be interested in making friends except some people she got to know from her track and field association.  
  
We spent our afternoons learning for school and talking about everything that came to our minds. Elza often told me about America that still seemed sort of another world for me though I learned soon that it wasn't a perfect world neither. I thought there would never be one I was made for and so I continued dreaming of a land that had been made for me.  
  
There wasn't much time for dreaming.  
  
One Friday evening in July we went to the cinema and to a nice café at the bay of Tokyo afterwards. I had planned to have a typical sleep-over at my best friend's house, a small apartment near the Tokyo Tower.  
  
Don't get the wrong idea, I had never thought about being in love with a girl at this point of time. In fact, I never really thought of being in love with anyone before.  
  
However, it was almost ten and I was stirring my tea, doing a little daydreaming. Elza hat gotten used to that. Right in the moment she opened her mouth I was thinking about how the American had accepted me just the way I was from the beginning. How lucky I was!  
  
"Michiru?" Elza never made use of suffixes when she talked with people she liked. Actually, she didn't seem to know any other suffix than '-san'.  
  
"Michiru?"  
  
When I looked up to the red-haired girl, her face had the most serious expression that I'd ever seen on her.  
  
"Nani? Is there anything wrong with my hair?" What a silly question- of course it wasn't. I wore it loose and had some small strands plaited.  
  
"No, you look perfectly fine. And that's the point, Michiru..." "Well, you look great, too."  
  
She wore some threadbare blue jeans and a black tank top- nothing really special, but her aura did everything. She didn't need any special clothes or make-up, she was just herself and that was what made her so beautiful... but what was I thinking again?  
  
"That's not what I mean." She seemed to fight with something within herself for a second, but at the end, the truth, her bare thoughts got out of control.  
  
"Have you ever had a boyfriend, Michiru?"  
  
I started giggling. "Gotcha! You're in love, aren't you? But if I had to answer your question... I never had one."  
  
"Yes, I am..."  
  
Elza's face blushed until it became almost as red as her hair. "And who is the lucky one?" I asked impatiently.  
  
"Ummm... that doesn't really matter..."  
  
"Do I know him?" Her expression turned from embarrassed to really depressed. I decided to change the topic because otherwise the mood might have turned only sadder.  
  
We left the café soon though dawn was only breaking when we arrived at Elza's apartment towards eleven. Her flat was much smaller than mine that I paid with the money I earned from my concerts, but hers was still big for a Japanese one.  
  
Elza hated Japanese flats because she was used to rooms about double the size of the ones she had to live in now.  
  
When she went to the bathroom to change her clothes, I noticed that she had left the door open slightly. At the very moment, I couldn't help myself but to peep on her. And for the second time that day I was asking myself what I was doing. Where had the polite, innocent Michiru gone to?  
  
But the main question I asked myself when I looked through the gap was why I was spying on a girl, even on my best friend. My question should have been answered sooner as I'd ever assumed.  
  
"Michiru, don't just stand outside there, you can come in if you need to get changed here... I'm almost done anyway.  
  
I jumped a bit to the side when I heard Elza's voice. What was the matter? We were both girls, weren't we?  
  
So I mumbled something like "Just a minute" and ran off to the living room where I had left lying about my bag.  
  
I entered the bathroom and almost took a step back when I saw Elza brushing her teeth only in her bra and some tight black boxer shorts. I was staring at her thoroughly trained body and never-ending seeming legs.  
  
She smiled at me and muttered that I should close the door or something like that- I didn't get the exact wording because of the toothbrush in her mouth.  
  
I closed the door and kept watching the girl who was trying to smile at me what only made her swallow some toothpaste.  
  
Inexplicable- for me- I didn't dare changing my clothes.  
  
"Michiru..." Elza had finished her cleaning and put on a wide t-shirt. I still stood at the door and was totally astonished she didn't say anything but stared into my eyes directly. Her clear blue eyes seemed to pass trough my soul with one single look.  
  
"Wait a moment before you get changed... Michiru, I need to tell you something. You probably won't be glad about it, maybe you'll never want to see me again after I told you, but I beg you to listen. If you're crossed with me afterwards you can leave right now, I'll get you a taxi."  
  
Suddenly I foresaw what she was going to tell me. I wouldn't be going to confuse me anyway. But I had never had the courage to confess it to myself neither to anyone other.  
  
"Go on..." I smiled at her confidently.  
  
"Well, Michiru, how should I say it? I'm no one of long speeches. I never felt attracted to any boy. I suppose I never will. And at this moment, for the last few months, I have always been attracted to you. I'm sorry but I've fallen in love with you, Michiru..."  
  
I decided not to torture her any longer as I pulled her close to me and kissed her gently on her delicate lips.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
to be continued soon... Hm, this stuff reminds me on my first experiences *looking innocent*...  
  
Please have a 'lil more patience- tests at school are put in soon -_______-  
  
Yukio -skygoddess@gmx.net 


	3. DDP III Together Forever?

The Dim and Distant Past  
  
Hi minna-san!  
  
Wow, this became rather a retelling of something I experienced... never mind, there is not much to tell about this chapter... so thanks to everyone who reads this stuff ^_- Arigato!!!   
  
Dedicated to my Michiru who'll never read this...  
BTW, this story made me listen to Mme Celine Dion's great CDs after a long time... "Immortality" gave me the idea to write this story... it just suits to Michiru's feelings for Elza... well not this early in the story but you'll see soon. Anyhow, songs often introduce ideas for fanfiction to me... but songfics are quite hard to writ coz song has to go down well with the story in both lyrics and melody.  
So I prefer writing an usual fic and tell what music has inspired me to do it (yay, I found a more elegant way than just screeching: "Listen to it!" *jumps around*)!  
  
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon and the characters going with it doesn't belong to me, I just borrowed them for my little story ^________-   
  
**********************************************************  
Part I./II.- Together forever ???  
  
Days and weeks passed by quickly when we once had taken the step to admit our love for each other.   
Soon, I spent every minute of my free time with Elza.  
  
When I had a concert, Elza was always sitting in the first row, gazing at me with a loving expression in her beautiful blue eyes which reminded me of the sky in these summer days we spent together.  
  
When she had a competition, I left everything undone to have the chance to watch her running, leaving all those who would never be able to understand her far behind.   
  
Nobody ever asked us about what kind our relationship was and if I had had to put it into words, I couldn't have answered it at that time.  
  
Though both of us actually knew our relationship wasn't a platonic one at all, we never talked about it.   
I'd never have dared to call it a 'lesbian love' although I thought of it as one when we broke up.  
  
Of course there was kissing, sometimes passionate, and we always kept close to another.  
I felt this wasn't everything Elza had our relationship expected to be, but at the other hand, despite my love for her I knew it wasn't my turn to take any further steps.  
Not that I didn't want her, not that I thought there was anything wrong with our love, I just had the feeling I wasn't ready yet.  
  
If you ask me now about the way our relationship was, it's still hard for me to describe it accurately- there was love, there was a perfect affinity with each other, and yes, there was also lust but I guess I suppressed it in my subconsciousness.  
We spent a fantastic time together, fed upon each other and matured a lot this way.  
  
Perhaps it was the purest love that would ever exist, but maybe it was just probationary love between two teenage girls attracted to each other.   
  
However, time was almost flying and we weren't realizing how soon the first semester of grade nine passed by.  
  
Teachers put us more under pressure than in the first half-year, always reminding everyone to learn, learn, learn all day to pass the entrance examinations next spring.   
  
It was a warm October day when Elza and I walked to a small, deserted café we had discovered some days before after school.  
Some rays of the golden autumn sun were running trough the almost leafless trees when Elza suddenly stopped walking and grabbed my arm.  
  
"Michi?"  
"Nani?"  
"What are you going to do after Junior High?  
  
I had expected this question for a long time but still hadn't thought of another answer as the truth.  
  
"I'm going to Ototaki Gakko [1], ara, that's when I pass the exam..."  
Elza looked stunned for a moment, then pulling herself together again.  
  
"That famous music High School?"  
"Hai."  
"Well..."  
  
She was far too scared to tell me the truth yet she knew that I could read the thought from her mind.  
  
"You're going to leave Japan, aren't you?"  
  
Ice-blue eyes slowly filled with tears as she hugged me.  
I felt them running from her face down my neck warmly.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Michi..."  
  
I wiped the liquid out of her face and gently kissed her cheek.  
"Iku, let's go to some place were we are alone, all right?"  
  
Still sobbing, she put her arm around my waist as we walked towards my apartment.  
  
Both sitting on the large western style couch that almost filled half the room, we just looked at each other for some minutes until Elza finally broke the silence.  
  
"It's not that you'd never see me again when I leave Japan in March..."  
"But I won't see you for a long time. Who knows what happens? You could find someone better than me."  
  
She kissed me and whispered tenderly in my ear: "There is no one that could replace you, my Michi-chan. Besides, you could get to know someone either."  
"I'll never even play with that idea!"  
"You will."  
"Never!"  
  
The taller girl tightened herself and put on a solemn face.  
"Kaiou Michiru, I bet you will find someone better than me. Someone who'll never have to leave you, someone much better than me. I can't treat you as you deserve to be treated- have you ever thought about this?"  
  
Though I had listened sharp, I didn't get the meaning of her words. I didn't want to.  
  
"Stop mocking me! I love you so much I never want to live with someone other than you, Elza."  
  
Now it was me who was sobbing. Elza embraced and held me tightly.  
  
"That's my Michi, always turning her eyes from reality and escaping into her world of dreams.  
I love you too, and that's why I think it's better for you to break up with me. This world isn't all made of rapture and love. I'm an American girl who has to leave you soon. That will hurt you a lot. And, as I've said before, I'm a girl. I don't know what you feel but I'd call this a lesbian relationship. People will mock you all your live because of this. I know this for I had the same problems even in you 'perfect' America. You don't deserve this!"  
  
As if I didn't know this. I kissed her gently as I ran my fingers through her short red hair.  
She shed some tears and hid her face in the curtain of my long loose hair.  
  
"Listen, Elza. I can deal with the suffering, with the mocking as long as I can be with you. I know it'll be hard to live without you the next years, but it would be even harder to live without you the next months. I don't care how long I can spend time with you, as long as this short time is... well, as long as it is with you at all."  
  
"Really?"  
"Honto."  
  
She smiled at me happily as she began kissing my neck, pulling me closer to her.  
I imagined to hear her heartbeat as we kissed more passionate than we had ever kissed before.  
"Let's make the best of the time we've left."   
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[1] "Ototaki" means "sound of waterfall"...well that's translated VERY rough but I just needed a name for the school!  
  
Maybe a little short, but leave it to your imagination what happens next ^_- Michiru really wouldn't tell this Haruka, nah?  
  
to be continued... the next chapter tells how Michiru became a Senshi... I've always wanted to write something about this ^_______^   
  
Please do a review or naked Mamoru in a gateau will be send to you!  
Yukio (skygoddess@gmx.net)  
  
2003/02/26, 15:44 


	4. DDP IIII The Moment Fate was Decided

The Dim and Distant Past  
  
Konnichi Wa!  
  
Well, there is not much to tell about this chapter. With this, the first part of the story is finished (wait for some Valentine's Day Interlude ^_-, hope y'all remember impatient Ruka won't be listening forever...). I'm glad I've finished it coz I hate writing this senshi stuff yet I've always wanted to write something about Michiru becoming Sailor Neptune!  
  
This goes out to all readers who'll scream Michiru fall out of character at the end of the story: Imagine the same thing would've happened to you. Wouldn't you loose your self control? Besides, Michiru isn't that cold- blooded Neptune we get to know in the Sailor Moon Super season... she's just a confused Junior High girl (about 15 in age) in this story! But this occurrences might be a reason for her to seem to be that callous later on... Yukio  
  
************************************************************* Part I./III.- The Moment Fate Was Decided  
  
We had started living like a real couple. Not that we actually moved together, but Elza spent almost every day and night in my flat. She only went home to clean up her apartment and fetch the clothing and other stuff she needed.  
  
We were a real couple, but that was just for these few days.  
  
Life wouldn't have been my life if there would have been a time without any troubles.  
  
So about two weeks after my conversation with Elza, I started to have nightmares. Really bad ones.  
  
At the beginning, I saw vague contours of people being killed in a gruesome manner that I couldn't define. There was blood and cut-off mortal remains everywhere. The sky was sort of dark red, a crimson red like the colour of dried blood. Heartbreaking screams filled the air and my ears.  
  
I was standing in the middle of this scene and wasn't able to run. In fact, I wasn't able to move at all. When I tried to speak, the words didn't come out. It was like there was a wall drawn around me that protected yet isolated me from this lethal world.  
  
I woke up every night, completely sleepless. I thought it would've been childish to tell Elza about my dreams that came back night after night so I decided to make some profit out of it and express my feelings.  
  
I started painting pictures totally different from the ones I had done before. I had often sketched Elza the last months but it didn't work anymore. I couldn't paint anything except those extremely sad, depressing, almost dangerous dark paintings.  
  
Depressing, that is the word you'd use to describe my mood in this times. The shapes of the persons in my dreams became clearer from time to time.  
  
One night I woke up screaming, after I had watched a girl having her head cut off. My nightgown stuck to my skin and there was a burning pain in my head. Elza looked turned on the light and looked at me in bewilderment.  
  
"Nightmares?" I just nodded and cuddled up to her in tears.  
  
These weren't just nightmares. The feeling in the dream accompanied me in my everyday life until I couldn't stand having the other girl around me at all.  
  
She must have thought I was going insane. Besides, I was thinking the same.  
  
I just wanted to have some time for me to find out where this strange feeling came from.  
  
When I told Elza I needed some time alone because I didn't feel quite right, she looked anxious but accepted my wishes.  
  
But I soon recognized that this feeling wasn't one I could wipe out with intellectually, so I decided to concentrate on my work. Still these dark paintings, going with heavy sounds on my violin.  
  
Against my own persuasion people liked my 'new artistic style'. For me, it was just sadness and suffering, and it wasn't suffering, like Elza had berated sharply, because I was in love with her.  
  
I still saw Elza every day at school and spent my weekends with her, but there arose a strange distance between us.  
  
One evening after I had practised with an orchestra I had joined recently, I walked home through a beautiful little park.  
  
Well, it had been beautiful by day with its renaissance-like benches and full-blossomed flowers.  
  
But this evening the park didn't look as inviting as usual by far. I already felt a strange aura such I had never felt before when I entered the park through its wide gate.  
  
White lanterns shed light on the narrow footpaths. All of a sudden, I heard a terrible scream such as I had often heard in my dreams. The noise pierced me to the marrow and made me curious yet frightened at the same time. I quickened my steps until I reached a strange pile of people involved in a fight. Accurately, there were two women and a young man. He was lying on the grass unconsciously with a bright shining crystal floating over his breast.  
  
As if this was not enough for my unbelieving eyes, the woman were involved in a kind of fight. But they fought with some strange weapons that seemed to come out of their bodies.  
  
One woman had long red hair and wore a white coat such as doctors and scientists wear while the other had even longer dark green hair and wore a strange suit looking alike the sailor fuku I had to wear at school. They talked about something like they both wanted to have the "pure heart" which I assumed to be the glowing thing in front of the man.  
  
I believed I had gone totally mad now. I still did when the red-haired woman walked towards me.  
  
"Hey, look who has arrived. Didn't your mother tell you not to walk through deserted parks in the evening, kid? Wanna follow this boy's path into death?"  
  
She grinned dangerously when she put a sort of rifle in front of my chest.  
  
"Don't you dare involving this uninvolved girl! Dead scream!"  
  
Once again,a huge purple ball of mist came from of the green-haired girl who seemed to be only about two years older than me. I jumped aside as the ball destroyed everything that was in its course.  
  
The other woman still stood near to me, holding her weapon or whatever this was.  
  
"I won't spare her! She's seen too much of it. And we need every pure heart we can get!"  
  
I wasn't able to speak. I wasn't able to move. It was exactly like in my dreams.  
  
But this time, it was reality and I suddenly felt an unknown power growing inside my body and soul when something on my temple was starting to glow in the colour of aquamarine.  
  
"What's that?" The woman put her gun aside and looked at my with fear. What was happening to me?  
  
The girl in the fuku threw a stick towards me that reminded me of the pen I used at school. It landed next to my feet.  
  
"You're Sailor Neptune. Finally, I've found you. Take this stick to fulfill your destiny!"  
  
I startled. I had no idea what all this was about. The situation was too weird to be real but felt to real to be a dream. All I knew was I had to to something. In a fraction of a second after I had reached the pen, the words that would change my life for all eternity came to my mind.  
  
"Neptune Planet Power, make up!"  
  
I felt the strange power inside me growing bigger. Some positive energy, similar to the feeling I had when I received the audience's applause at the end of a performance, only much stronger. Its light filled the deepest of my body and soul.  
  
At the end I realized myself standing on the grass in the middle of the park again. When I looked down, I noticed I was wearing some fuku like the one the older girl was wearing. The dresses only varied in their colour. While she was wearing high boots, my feet were put in in some high-heels with turquoise ribbons that wound around my ankles.  
  
When I looked up again I saw how the woman who had held the gun before was now trying to carry away her victim's pure heart. Once again, my intuition told me it was my turn to react.  
  
"Deep Submerge!"  
  
A tremendous ball of water was flying from me to the woman who disappeared into nothing just before it could hit her.  
  
And again, I was standing there, staring at hands. What the hell had happened to me? I was clever enough to feel this wasn't a bad dream, but I was too clever to really believe in this crazy things that had occurred in the last quarter of an hour.  
  
The other girl left at the park had picked up the man's pure heart the woman had dropped to the ground while escaping from my weapon and given it back to his body.  
  
Yes, there had been a weapon coming from inside myself. I wiped my hands over my eyes, but the scene was still the same. Suddenly the other girl laid her hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Everything's all right. Let's go somewhere we can talk."  
  
Finally, I lost my self control I had kept while I was in the state of shock just after my transformation. Tears came running down my face.  
  
"I don't need to talk! I have to go home and do my homework and finish my painting and go to sleep early so I'm in a good mood at school tomorrow morning."  
  
"I'm sorry for you, but our enemies don't care about this, Michiru." "How come you know my name?" "I had assumed you to be Sailor Neptune for some time but I thought you'd show who you really are when the right time comes. And this is what just happened..."  
One hour later, on the same evening. I was sitting in Setsuna's, so introduced the strange girl herself, apartment and was drinking some tea, my hands still trembling.  
  
I couldn't paint or play the violin with these trembling hands, that was one of the thousands of thoughts running through my head all the time.  
  
"But why do we have to fight those people? I mean, there's the police who should care about those things.  
  
Setsuna sighed. "Once again, Michiru-san. The police would never believe in those strange incidents. Furthermore, they would never have the power to fight our enemy." "But why me?" "It's just your destiny, I didn't choose this myself either. There is no choice."  
  
She laid such a seriousness in her voice supported by the sad expression in her eyes I finally got the meaning of her words.  
  
Michiru wasn't important any longer. Now there was Neptune who had to care about the well-being of the whole world. I put myself upright.  
  
"So what do we have to do?"  
  
"You need to find the three talismans hidden in some people's pure hearts to fight our enemies who want to destroy this world." " I ? You mean, you won't help me?"  
  
"I'm afraid, but I was only sent here to find you. I have to look after the gates of time, but I will always be there if you need me. I'll try to find out somewhat more about our opponents. But don't worry, you don't have to fight on your own when you find the other senshi." "What other one?"  
  
"Sailor Uranus. I 'm sure she'll help you a lot. Only the three of us are able to-" "But how can I find that Uranus girl? You know, she won't wear a shirt with some inscription 'I'm Sailor Uranus' or something like that." "Michiru-san, you know exactly how sensitive you are. You will find her. Just trust your feelings to find the senshi of the wind."  
  
I looked at one of the countless clocks in Setsuna's apartment. She was strange and mysterious, but I felt I could trust her. A feeling told me.  
  
-But it was already after midnight and I had to get up at seven o'clock in the morning!  
  
"I'll do my best, Setsuna. But I really need to go home now."  
  
"I'll call a taxi for you. But Michiru, there is one rule you need to carry out in any case." "I'm listening." "Don't ever tell anybody you're Sailor Neptune."  
  
Half an hour later I was sitting in my living room and listened to the teasing, light-hearted spoken message from Elza on the answering machine again and again.  
  
"Hi Michi! I was phoning because I wanted drop by this night. I'm a little worried you're not back home yet. Alas, might you be keeping some secrets from me? Another lover? Oyasumi, I'll see you at school tomorrow."  
  
She didn't deserve to be betrayed by someone who had to lead a double life. She didn't deserve me any longer.  
  
It was my duty to save the whole of mankind, but who was going to save me? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------- 2003/03/16, 23:52  
  
Wow, the end became kinda depressing... nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed it. Just tell me at skygoddess@gmx.net ! 


	5. DDP Interlude: Happy Valentine

The Dim and Distant Past  
  
As always, Sailor Moon and its characters don't belong to me though I often treat them like they were ^_-  
  
Initially, I had planned this to become a lemon... but then I decided this just would not fit in, I should have told more explicitly about Michiru and Elza then, too... Besides, I would've needed to change the rating either.  
  
However, I needed a connecting passage between Michiru's and Haruka's part of the story- and here it is...  
  
I'm sorry I let you wait this long for this petty short chapter, but I was on this terrible class trip and had a lot of trouble the last weeks... gomen ^_-  
  
However, please read & review this...  
  
Dedicated to the self-nominated less romantic person on earth (I think this isn't very romantic either) and the person who left this obvious spot on MY neck (LOL you should better THINK before you act and torture the right woman... but that equalizes with your boundless [LESS!] help in everything, whether school & relationship problems or writing fics...*cuddle*) ^___________________^  
  
On with the story... **********************************************************************  
  
Interlude- Happy Valentine  
  
Haruka yawned.  
  
"Did you listen to me at all, Haruka?" asked her girlfriend.  
  
The blonde nodded as if she had to convince herself more than Michiru. "I did, but I just hadn't expected your story to be that long."  
  
The two women were still lying on the couch. When Haruka caught a glimpse on her watch, she jumped off it in a rush and ran to the dining room at once.  
  
"I guess we'll have to go out for a meal tonight."  
  
Michiru had talked so long that Haruka's laboriously cooked dinner had become ice cold.  
  
"Did you do this?"  
  
The aquamarine-haired woman stood at the entrance with an enthusiastic expression in her eyes.  
  
"Geez, I did but I wouldn't give you the advice to eat it right now... Get yourself ready, we really need to go out..."  
  
Michiru embraced her from behind and whispered in her ear: "Are you that hungry?"  
  
Haruka wasn't at all, but she still found the scene quite embarrassing. She had been so proud of herself and now her dreams of a romantic candlelight- dinner had vanished into thin air. She looked for any words to speak, but everything sounded stupid to her.  
  
"Or are you that shocked because of my story?"  
  
Was she? She was the last one on earth who had the right to be shocked or anything else because of Michiru's story. Finally, the blonde regained her voice.  
  
"Nah, don't think like that. But I know the continuation of your little story. Now that you've told me how you got to know Elza..."  
  
Michiru began to stoke over her lovers' upper body tenderly. "Well that's all about the dim and distant past now, isn't it? Did you forget what date it is today?" "Aren't you hungry?"  
  
Against her own will, Haruka couldn't stop thinking about Michiru's story. 'Stop it, baka, or you're going to spoil the whole evening' she said to herself and turned to her beloved one.  
  
Michiru smiled, kissing the taller woman passionately.  
  
"Yes, I am. I'm hungry for you."  
  
Haruka sighed. Why had she made such an effort to cook when she knew the evening would end up like this anyway?  
  
She smiled as she let her hands stroke all over Michiru's body.  
  
"Happy Valentine, Michi..."  
  
When Michiru commenced to unbutton her shirt, Haruka grabbed her hand.  
  
"But I need to tell you the continu-" Michiru laid her index finger on her lover's lips.  
  
"Tomorrow. I'll make you forget about this." She opened the buttons gradually, always kissing the part of skin she had uncovered last.  
  
The blonde started to shiver when Michiru had thrown the shirt on the ground and made little circles with her fingernails on her belly, working upwards on her body.  
  
Haruka put her hands under the violinist's blouse, played with her bra's seal teasingsly, then opened it easily and finally took off the blouse.  
  
Michiru, who sat on the blonde's lap kissed her neck softly, then sucking harder so she left one of these treacherous spots on her lover's skin.  
  
Haruka forgot about Elza. Strictly speaking, Haruka forgot about everything except Michiru as she gave herself to her.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------- 2003/04/21, 23:07 by Yukio (skygoddess@gmx.net)  
  
Coming soon: What's Haruka's story she tries to tell Michiru this desperately *lol* ? 


	6. DDP III As Thick As Thieves

The Dim and Distant Past  
  
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon+Characters+ Toei Animation=mine Condition: "me"=Naoko Takeuchi, but me is "Yukio" !  
  
Aww, I'm really sorry I needed this long to write the next chapter again...somehow I never find enough spare time to write down everything that's in my head!  
  
This is another version of Haruka's past; did you ever notice no one grants her a peaceful childhood? Hence I thought Elza helping Haruka out of her misery would match the story...  
  
This chapter is dedicated to all those people who review my stories and give me a lot of courage to write, to Oba-san who wanted a nice childhood for Ruka, to Holly to whom my *%#§ mailsystem doesn't want to send any emails -___- I'm really sorry but I'm working on it, dear...  
  
Further thanks to da Brompton City Gang- Saki (Luv ya!),Misa (another silly and boring fanfic ^_-), Phil (for mental support and cooking when the former are too dumb), Hoshi (for lots of alcohol!) and Valli (for...oh well, just being there *knuddel*):"For years we keep doin´that, known for bein´not much more than just glad!"  
  
CU in the next chapter!  
  
**************************************************************** Part II/I - As Thick As Thieves  
  
Haruka was woken up by some cheeky sunrays tickling in her nose. She turned around sleepily and looked directly into Michiru's smiling aqua blue eyes.  
  
"Good morning, sleeping beauty." The blonde innocently kissed her lover's cheek.  
  
"How long have you been awake already?" "Almost about an hour, I guess..." Haruka rubbed through her eyes, then raised an eyebrow. "You've got to much spare time, haven't you?"  
  
Michiru stretched herself and smiled again. "I was watching you."  
  
The racer shook her head. "Mad woman." "This is what you call artistic liberty,dear...",Michiru giggled.  
  
Both looked at each other. Their eyes said 'I love you' as they moved closed to each other and kissed.  
  
After breakfast, Haruka decided she wouldn't hold in her story anymore.  
  
"Michi", she began. "Nani?" "There is something about Elza you don't know yet. About Elza and me..."  
  
"Don't say you had a relationship with her, too."  
  
Actually, Michiru wasn't in the mood to listen to another story after she had spend so much time telling hers. But now she definitely was becoming curious.  
  
Haruka grinned. "That wouldn't have been bad... I'm sorry I have to disappoint you, we had a sort of relationship but not really the one you are thinking about, was always thinking about, wasn't you?"  
  
Michiru blushed slightly. How naive she had been about this... "Then tell me what kind of relationship it was, Ruka-chan."  
  
"... the real story also starts at ninth grade, but too make you understand the whole scene, I need to start from an earlier point of my life than you did... On my 15th birthday,I decided to finally tell my parents about the feelings I've had had for about three years now but wasn't able to stand behind until then.  
  
I can clearly remember how strange I felt when I entered Junior High. Before this I had been a 'normal' girl- what you call normal for a child, I guess. But then everything changed. All the other girls started being mad about boys, to adore pop singers and worrying about such things as their clothing and make-up and other things I never thought about.  
  
I was really confused when I realized I managed being friends with boys better than with girls. No, being friends is exaggerated. I just could understand them much better.  
  
My friends until this point had always been girls, but suddenly we had so many different opinions it was hard to continue the friendships with them. Somehow I did, otherwise I'd been all alone.  
  
But I was deeply confused- wondered if there was something wrong with me, and even thought I was retarded to my classmates. But all I really knew was that those girls' world wasn't made for me.  
  
When I started dressing like a boy, my parents made some jokes but didn't worry about it. When I had my hair that was to down to my chest cut short, they thought it would be a pubescent phase.  
  
Finally, I got to enthuse about other girls. At last I knew why I had felt this strange the last years.  
  
My father had put me into the athletics club at primary school and had always managed my sports career, even when I had expressed the wish to start motor sport, he had paid for it. My mother's opinion was that every girl should know how to play at least one instrument so I've had piano lessons since my tenth birthday.  
  
My father was a respected businessman but also a loving husband and father. I loved my parents- whatever I did, they supported me. They raised me with the advice to always go my own way.  
  
Because of this I was confident that they would understand- or at least, tolerate- it that their only daughter had feelings for girls instead of boys.  
  
But when I told this my mother on the afternoon of my fifteenth birthday, she reacted totally out of character. At first I thought she was going insane- my always calm and friendly mum looked at me with an almost disturbed expression in her eyes. Then she shed some tears and whispered something like she'd been too slackly with my upbringing.  
  
She told me the birthday party I'd planned for the evening would be cancelled on account of a private talk with my parents that was- as she said- desperately needed. In my family, we'd always talked frankly about everything. I agreed, thinking that I could party the next evening as well.  
  
In the evening my father didn't speak normally for the first time. He shouted and told me what a 'dirty bitch' I'd be, expressing my thanks for his love with being a 'damned lesbian'. In addition, he exclaimed that having a lesbian in his family would bring him a bad reputation. My mother sat there and didn't contradict him. When I asked her what she thought about the whole thing, she told me she had the same opinion as my father.  
  
At the end, they let me the choice to stay at their house, becoming a 'normal girl' again or to move out and live on my own.  
  
Deeply dissappointed, I withdrew my parents and decided to never trust in anyone except myself. Half a year later,I still couldn't believe my parents had simply let me down. No more loving words, no more support apart from the money they gave me to pay my apartment and living.  
  
Completely in rage, I concentrated on sports as much as I could. Soon no one in my athletics team at school could keep up with me and I participated at countless competions in whole Tokyo. And I always won.  
  
Running was like forgetting everything around me, leaving the fight with my parents and the pain to live all alone far behing me. It eased my wounds- at least for about 10 seconds.  
  
I had really gotten used to win every competition when I had one against another school's athletics team. All the way, a red-haired girl was close behind me and although I finally was on the first place,I hated her for keeping up with me. She had disturbed me while I tried to vanish into my own world where I still lived with my trusting parents and where no one had ever hurt me.  
  
After the competion, when I was almost ready to start my motorbike and drive home, a husky voice interrupted me with starting the machine.  
  
"Tenou Haruka-san, that's your name, isn't it?" It was the girl that had been on the second place today. I lifted my helmet. I realized she was quite cute with her strange accent, her dark skin and clear blue eyes. More than cute.  
  
"Yeah, sorry but I can't remember your name. It was something American though, wasn't it?" "Elza Gray. I'm here for exchange for this school year."  
  
"You were pretty good today." What a lousy compliment! I hated myself for saying that. But Elza blushed. "Not good enough."  
  
My hear skipped a beat when Elza looked in my eyes. She looked at me so knowing, just as if she'd known me my whole life.  
  
"Do you have planned anything for friday evening?" Argh, stupid blonde Haruka! How dare you ask a complete stranger for a date. A hetero stranger who knows you're a girl...  
  
But once again, Elza contradicted my fears and smiled. "Not yet."  
  
"If you'd like to, we could go out to a pub or something like that..." "You're gay, aren't ya?"  
  
I could literally feel all my blood going to my head. Why had those western people have to be this honest?  
  
I nodded shyly.  
  
"Well, then we've got already one more thing than running in common!" I almost fainted. "...hhhhow did you know?"  
  
"You're really blonde...You nearly carry a 'I'm a lesbian'-label with your outlooking and gestures." "Oh well, is it this bad?" "Not for me."  
  
And so we went on, teasing each other for some minutes until I drove home with her phone number written on my hand.  
  
When I look at this first meeting today, it really sounds like that was the beginning of a great love story. But it wasn't. Elza and me became good, but never close friends. We could talk about everthing and had a very similar view of the world. She was the first person that accepted the new Haruka my parents hated this much.  
  
I still thought Elza was pretty sharp but didn't fall in love with her. We were much too similar for that. But she showed me that one doesn't have to lose all his trust in others because he had been disappointed once. Elza gave me back my trust in the world.  
  
Sometimes she mentioned something about a girlfriend but I decided not to meddle in her business. All the time, Elza still stayed a hard opponent in running, but all in all, we didn't care about this that much. Sport was sport and friedship was friendship.  
  
And this, my beloved Michiru, is everyting about Elza and me you didn't know yet." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- 2003-05-18, 22:03 by Yukio skygoddess@gmx.net 


	7. DDP IIII Love is a competition

Hi folks!  
  
Ya see I'm getting tired of writing this... the story isn't important anymore but I need this and the next to chapters to express what I wanted to say with this story!  
  
Greetings to: Shiori, Azumi (so hard to read English fanfiction?),Oba-san, Holly,BlackNeko and everyone who read and reviewed this story!  
  
Dedicated to Nuggi for some reason I still don't know myself - figure it out yourself!  
  
Hang on for the epilogue, Yukio ***************************************************************** Part II/II- Love is a Competition  
  
Michiru let out a deep sigh, somehow in relief, but also in amazement.  
  
"You're right, I'd always assumed there was more going on between you and Elza.  
  
She had been talking about you so many times that I talked myself into believing that she would run to you as soon as I had broken up with her.  
  
But, to hook up on your story, I broke up with Elza although I still loved her more than anything in the world. It was just that I had come to a point in my life when I couldn't trust in anyone. I even couldn't trust myself.  
  
Myself, was that Michiru, or was it Sailor Neptune? What did I fight for? All I could do was go on to find it out which meant I could not afford to involve anyone else in my business.  
  
Some weeks passed and I still couldn't forget my feelings for Elza.  
  
It would have been too obvious by far when I had followed her everywhere, but I could manage to watch her competitions at the weekends.  
  
Of course she noticed that and talked to me afterwards. So, step by step we became friends again. Not close and never as close as we had been before, and I was able to convince her that I didn't love her any more. If I could have convinced myself... but that happened all automatically when I started watching the girl that surpassed Elza everytime.  
  
I was sure I'd fallen in love with you, always so cold and resolute these day that you almost could be scared of it. But it was exactly this what I loved about you. And I wanted to know what was behind this surface. What more can I say about this period?  
  
Soon, I came to your races because of you and no more because of Elza, though she thought I did.  
  
But there was no time for love. I ignored my feelings. I was still Sailor Neptune and had to find the other senshi and the three talismans.  
  
I started hating Neptune more than ever before when I had the dream this one night. I saw the slender shape of another girl in a senshi fuku. All around her, destruction, blood, dead bodies, just as in the dreams I've had had before I had become a senshi.  
  
When the girl turned and I recognized your face, I started crying.  
  
Crying because of happiness that I could be with you from now on, crying because of fear to lose you within the battle.  
  
I didn't want you to become a senshi.  
  
But I wanted to be close to you which meant I had to stop being a senshi or you had to become one, too.  
  
I tried to delay it as long as possible, but finally I had to give in to the youma. They had become indecredibly strong and I couldn't defeat them alone anymore.  
  
I hesitated when I asked Elza to introduce me to you.  
  
At last, I stood at the track behind Elza and tried to hide my insecurity. Should I really make you a senshi, make you give up your life just as I had done some months before?  
  
I decided to get you to know better. They day you'd become a senshi would surely come in time. I couldn't force it but I couldn't stop it though.  
  
You know the consequence of this decision, Haruka."  
  
"I know it only too well", the blonde smiled and hugged her lover tightly. "Somehow Elza was the best friend I've ever had."  
  
"You didn't know her this long, did you?" Michiru exclaimed.  
  
"I didn't,but without her, I'd never had the faith to go on and, more important, I'd never met you." _________________________________________________________________ Yukio 2003/05/24 1:12 wow, it's become late... Oh no, romance again ^ ^;; Write me whatcha think about this at skygoddess@gmx.net ! 


	8. DDP Epilogue

Done *sighs in relief*!  
  
It was quite difficult to keep the story interesting the nearer it came to the end, but here it is!  
  
I wanted to tell about how it could come that Elza introduced Haruka and Michiru to each other and I think I've done this all right (mail me if you don't think so) But when all is said and done (and it definitely is, for this story at least), the statement I wanted to make remains:  
  
A single person can change your life within few months, days or even hours. Maybe you'll never realize how important he was for you until something extreme happens... And even then it might be to late for you and you've could hurt and disappointed him... So watch out, take care of others, become more sensitive (sound awfully kitschy, but someone needed to say this...)!  
  
Dedicated to those people who helped me but I realized too late...far too late, in Eagle's case (god bless you!)...  
  
Take Care,  
  
Yukio  
  
***************************************************************** Epilogue  
  
Michiru sat on the kitchen table and was leafing through the cook book in which Haruka had found Elza's letter and put it in afterwards. Finally, she found the envelope and unfolded the included letter.  
  
Haruka had left to eat some ice cream with Hotaru half an hour ago. She had invited Michiru, too, but the violinist had decided to do something she should've done for years.  
  
On the back of the envelope, an American address was written. Michiru took a pen and started writing.  
  
*  
Tokyo, 15th March XX Dear Elza!  
  
I hope you still remember me... I'm sorry I didn't answer your letter or didn't contact you in any other way. It's been more three years since I haven't heard anything about you.  
  
Though it's much too late, I try to respond your letter properly. I understand only too well that you're disappointed.  
  
I'd love to tell you why I broke up with you. I'm afraid, I know this sounds stupid,but I can't tell you-everyone keeps some secrets, isn't it like that?  
  
I've always wanted to stay your friend. I've even never wanted to break up with you, but there were some things I just couldn't burden you with.  
  
Yes, it was you who introduced Haruka to me and this was the most important thing in my whole life.  
  
We're a couple for more than three years now and I still love her as I did at the beginning of our relationship.  
  
You see, I am still definitely attracted to women- stricly speaking,to one very special women that I'd never known without you.  
  
Haruka isn't your opponent, she just told me yesterday that you were the best friend she ever had.  
  
I worried about you a lot. But, for some reasons, I couldn't act like I wanted to. I've always trusted you and I still do.  
  
You weren't only the girl who first showed me what love is but the person that changed my whole life.  
  
I've never forgotten about you and I never will.  
  
Love, Kaiou Michiru  
  
THE END ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------- "You'll never know What you've done for me What your faith in me Has done for my soul You'll never know the gift you've given me I'll carry it with me [...] You made me hope for something better And made me reach for somethin' more..."  
  
(from: "Music of my heart" by Gloria Estephan N*Sync... I hate all of the singers but love the lyrics...)  
  
__________________________________________________________ Yukio 2003/05/24 9:53- ohayo! Just needed to finish this... so -onegai- give me feedback about this! My mailaddy is: skygoddess@gmx.net ! 


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